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Wisdom for Grads

News	Humor Chronicle	BSD Logo Story	Know Your Unix System Administrator	Top 10 Classic Unix Humor	Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society	The Sysadmin Price List
RFC 1925: The Twelve Networking Truths	Murphy's Laws	The Cuckoo's Egg	The Worst Job in the World	SYSTEM PROBLEM REPORT	The Unix Hierarchy	Unix was a Program Gone Bad
NETSLAVE QUIZ	Interview with a hacker	GURU	The Unix Cult	Office Diplomacy Lesson	Six Types of Troubles with bosses	Santa as sysadmin
A letter from a programmer wife	DNS Commandments	"Mountain View California" (Sung to the tune "Hotel California" by the Eagles)	Freudian Send in e-mail Flame Wars	Glossary for Research Reports	vi himor	The Corporate Jungles Of Cubonia
C	C++	Assembler	Perl	Shell	Java	Debugging
Miscellaneous Unproductive Time Classification	"Linux Sucks" Humor	Networking humor	Solaris humor	Orthodox Unixoid definition	Algorithms	Editors humor
RMS	Linus Torvalds	Larry Wall & Perl	GPL humor	Information Passing	Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question	Man page for Unix baby command
OFM Humor	Wisdom for Grads	SE Humor	Unix And C Are Jokes	Viruses	Eric Raymond	Etc

I’ve been asked to compile some Dilbert advice for new graduates who have no idea what’s awaiting them in the business world. I’m talking about practical advice. Here are some of the ones that come to mind.

The person who sits nearest the boss’s office gets the most assignments.
Your potential for senior management will be determined by the three H’s: Hair, Height, and Harvard degree. You need at least two out of three. (Non-Harvard schools will be acceptable if it’s clear that you “could have gone” to Harvard.)
Your hard work will be rewarded. Specifically, your boss’s boss will reward your boss for making you work so hard.
There’s no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people’s. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it last week and you just remembered.
Teamwork is what you call it when you trick other people into ignoring their priorities in favor of yours.
Leadership is a form of evil. No one needs to lead you to do something that is obviously good for you.
You can estimate the time for any project by multiplying the number of idiots involved by one month and adding the number of capable co-workers times two weeks. (The competent ones are busier.)
In any group of three coworkers, at least one of them will be a sadistic loser intent on grabbing your ankle as he circles the drain.
Non-monetary incentives are every bit as valuable as they sound.
Business success is mostly about waiting for something lucky to happen and then taking credit.
Preparing a Powerpoint presentation will give you the sweet, sweet illusion of productivity.
It is better to be an “expert” than it is to do actual work.
The first month on any new job should be spent talking smack about the “idiot who had the job before you.”

Do you have any advice you’d like to add? (It might end up in a book.)

Etc

Society

Groupthink : Two Party System as Polyarchy : Corruption of Regulators : Bureaucracies : Understanding Micromanagers and Control Freaks : Toxic Managers : Harvard Mafia : Diplomatic Communication : Surviving a Bad Performance Review : Insufficient Retirement Funds as Immanent Problem of Neoliberal Regime : PseudoScience : Who Rules America : Neoliberalism : The Iron Law of Oligarchy : Libertarian Philosophy

Quotes

War and Peace : Skeptical Finance : John Kenneth Galbraith :Talleyrand : Oscar Wilde : Otto Von Bismarck : Keynes : George Carlin : Skeptics : Propaganda : SE quotes : Language Design and Programming Quotes : Random IT-related quotes : Somerset Maugham : Marcus Aurelius : Kurt Vonnegut : Eric Hoffer : Winston Churchill : Napoleon Bonaparte : Ambrose Bierce : Bernard Shaw : Mark Twain Quotes

Bulletin:

Vol 25, No.12 (December, 2013) Rational Fools vs. Efficient Crooks The efficient markets hypothesis : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2013 : Unemployment Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 23, No.10 (October, 2011) An observation about corporate security departments : Slightly Skeptical Euromaydan Chronicles, June 2014 : Greenspan legacy bulletin, 2008 : Vol 25, No.10 (October, 2013) Cryptolocker Trojan (Win32/Crilock.A) : Vol 25, No.08 (August, 2013) Cloud providers as intelligence collection hubs : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : Inequality Bulletin, 2009 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Copyleft Problems Bulletin, 2004 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Energy Bulletin, 2010 : Malware Protection Bulletin, 2010 : Vol 26, No.1 (January, 2013) Object-Oriented Cult : Political Skeptic Bulletin, 2011 : Vol 23, No.11 (November, 2011) Softpanorama classification of sysadmin horror stories : Vol 25, No.05 (May, 2013) Corporate bullshit as a communication method : Vol 25, No.06 (June, 2013) A Note on the Relationship of Brooks Law and Conway Law

History:

Fifty glorious years (1950-2000): the triumph of the US computer engineering : Donald Knuth : TAoCP and its Influence of Computer Science : Richard Stallman : Linus Torvalds : Larry Wall : John K. Ousterhout : CTSS : Multix OS Unix History : Unix shell history : VI editor : History of pipes concept : Solaris : MS DOS : Programming Languages History : PL/1 : Simula 67 : C : History of GCC development : Scripting Languages : Perl history : OS History : Mail : DNS : SSH : CPU Instruction Sets : SPARC systems 1987-2006 : Norton Commander : Norton Utilities : Norton Ghost : Frontpage history : Malware Defense History : GNU Screen : OSS early history

Classic books:

The Peter Principle : Parkinson Law : 1984 : The Mythical Man-Month : How to Solve It by George Polya : The Art of Computer Programming : The Elements of Programming Style : The Unix Hater’s Handbook : The Jargon file : The True Believer : Programming Pearls : The Good Soldier Svejk : The Power Elite

Most popular humor pages:

Manifest of the Softpanorama IT Slacker Society : Ten Commandments of the IT Slackers Society : Computer Humor Collection : BSD Logo Story : The Cuckoo's Egg : IT Slang : C++ Humor : ARE YOU A BBS ADDICT? : The Perl Purity Test : Object oriented programmers of all nations : Financial Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2008 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2010 : The Most Comprehensive Collection of Editor-related Humor : Programming Language Humor : Goldman Sachs related humor : Greenspan humor : C Humor : Scripting Humor : Real Programmers Humor : Web Humor : GPL-related Humor : OFM Humor : Politically Incorrect Humor : IDS Humor : "Linux Sucks" Humor : Russian Musical Humor : Best Russian Programmer Humor : Microsoft plans to buy Catholic Church : Richard Stallman Related Humor : Admin Humor : Perl-related Humor : Linus Torvalds Related humor : PseudoScience Related Humor : Networking Humor : Shell Humor : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2011 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2012 : Financial Humor Bulletin, 2013 : Java Humor : Software Engineering Humor : Sun Solaris Related Humor : Education Humor : IBM Humor : Assembler-related Humor : VIM Humor : Computer Viruses Humor : Bright tomorrow is rescheduled to a day after tomorrow : Classic Computer Humor

The Last but not Least Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage and those who manage what they do not understand ~Archibald Putt. Ph.D

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Last modified: March 12, 2019