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Todd's Humor Archive
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: [email protected] (Piran Montford) Keywords: smirk, computers Date: Wed, 25 Jan 95 19:30:03 EST
We were discussing how to pronounce certain computer names. Is "Linux" pronounced "Lin-ucks" or "Lie-nucks"? And is the editor "vi" called "veye" or "Vee-Eye"?
So we tapped them into our friendly Mac, and asked its verdict on pronunciation: "Linux" is pronounced "Lin-uks". "vi" is pronounced "Six".
BCNU, Piran.
This tutorial is still under construction. Since learning vi is an advanced topic, you might want to take Editors 101 first.How to move the cursor one character forward in vi
The correct answer is:<ESC>lawhich works in all modes. Except at the beginning of a line, where the above command will move the cursor two characters forward. If it did anything else, it would not be vi. So at the beginning of the line, this answer is the correct one:<ESC>liAnd of course neither will work at the end of the line. At the end of the line, the correct command is:<ESC>j^iThe topic of the next two lectures will be ``how to move the cursor one character backward in vi''.How to move the cursor one character backward in vi
To be done...
Addicted To vi
(with apologies to Robert Palmer)
You press the keys with no effect,
Your mode is not correct.
The screen blurs, your fingers shake;
You forgot to press escape.
Can't insert, can't delete,
Cursor keys won't repeat.
You try to quit, but can't leave,
An extra "bang" is all you need.
You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!
You edit files one at a time;
That doesn't seem too out of line?
You don't think of keys to bind--
A meta key would blow your mind.
H, J, K, L? You're not annoyed?
Expressions must be a Joy!
Just press "f", or is it "t"?
Maybe "n", or just "g"?
Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!
Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!
You press the keys without effect,
Your life is now a wreck.
What a waste! Such a shame!
And all you have is vi to blame.
Oh--You think it's neat to type an "a" or an "i"--
Oh yeah?
You won't look at emacs, no you'd just rather die
You know you're gonna have to face it;
You're addicted to vi!
Might as well face it,
You're addicted to vi!
Copyright 1989, by Chuck Musciano. All Rights Reserved
(user) I'm having trouble with this editor
(admin) Which one are you using ?
(user) Um, I dunno.
(admin) Emacs? Which version are you running ?
(user) Umm, I'm running version vi, and having heaps of trouble. Is vii out?
(admin) Say what?
(user) Have they done anything new?
(admin) Well... Yeah, they're up to xv now, but that needs a special graphical interface.
(user) Oh, well, thanks anyway.
(admin) *shudder*
It has been written, that on the day of the Great Editor War, the peace is shattered by an unprovoked attack by nvi on Emacs. Emacs strikes back, sending viper out to annihilate vile, while repelling the continued attacks from nvi without sweat, until XEmacs and jed join forces in another attack on Emacs. Emacs is crushed, but XEmacs is seriously wounded in the battle, and unable to defend itself when Crisp, XCoral, and nedit all attacks at the same time. Meanwhile, jed, although less severely harmed from the battle, find itself facing a formidable opposition in the form of µEmacs, mg, joe, freemacs, and notGNU, who all join the battle now. nvi, now with perl as an extension language, tries to claim the now vacant title as The Mother of All Editors, but is immediately attacked by vim, elvis, sam, and wily.
The battle continues, drawing in more and more editors, even obscure presumed dead editors like xedit, teco, and tpu/edt, until finally a single survivor emerges, pico, which has meanwhile been bought by Bill Gates, renamed to MS Edit, and stripped for all the advanced features that just confused the users.
So the answer, my friend, is to learn pico now and get rich on consulting once MS Edit becomes the accepted industry standard.
From: Alex Lopez-Ortiz
Subject:VI manual pages
Date: 27 Feb 91 11:30:04 GMTA few days ago, we were trying to explain to a MS-DOS user how the VI editor works. Here's what we come up with:
Vi is an editor with two distinguished modes:
In Edit mode you have all the capabilities of grandma's typewriter right under your finger tips! You can make the very same mistakes as you did with grany's typewriter (and your possibilities to correct them are about the same).
That's why Vi was provided with a second mode, namely the Beep mode. On a vt100 terminal or compatible you can get into Beep mode by pressing an arrow or escape function key. In this powerful Beep mode even the more inocuos keystroke will promptly produce a Beep sound. As an example, arrows, return, blankspaces and most capital letters will produce beeps in the most arbitrary places of the screen. Just think about the whole world of possibilities that this mode gives to you:
- Compose a monotonic symphony or rap while editing your thesis!
- Send messages in morse code to the secretary next door!
- Keep yourself awake with the clear sound of the Beep tone!
The possibilities are up to you!
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