Article: 25616 of talk.bizarre Path: news.duke.edu!duke!concert!gatech!swrinde!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!linac!att!cbfsb!cbnewsf.cb.att.com!forbes From: forbes@cbnewsf.cb.att.com (Scott Forbes) Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.misc,alt.flame,talk.bizarre Subject: REPOST / =4= 1992 Usenet Olympics: The Marathon, part 2 Summary: We are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by Keywords: The 1992 Usenet Olympic Games -- exclusively on USPN! Message-ID: <1992Aug7.052148.2298@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Date: 7 Aug 92 05:21:48 GMT References: <1992Aug4.045234.24741@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Aug5.061307.2856@cbfsb.cb.att.com> <1992Aug6.060218.4678@cbfsb.cb.att.com> Sender: news@cbfsb.cb.att.com Followup-To: news.groups Organization: Usenet Sports Programming Network Lines: 141 Xref: news.duke.edu rec.arts.sf.misc:2624 alt.flame:11882 talk.bizarre:25616 Status: RO [Due to a rather idiotic feature of my communications software, the Newsgroups: line on some parts of the Usenet Olympics has been truncated at 80 characters, cutting off rec.arts.sf.misc, alt.flame and talk.bizarre from the cross-posting. News.groups, rec.humor, rec.humor.oracle.d and rec.arts.startrek.misc are receiving the posts uninterrupted in the correct order, and I have made a change which I *hope* will fix the problem for parts 5, 6 and 7 when they are posted. This fits right in with last year's Usenet Olympics, when the articles were catenated together by Brad Templeton in 2,3,4,4,1,5,6,7 order (yes, "4" is in there twice) and posted them to rec.humor.funny with the Opening Ceremonies in the middle. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programme. --SF ] "A lot of Babel came down the cable Everybody can be famous for a day From shore to shore A big department store Is all that's left of the American way" -- "Praying to a New God" (Wang Chung) * * * The Usenet Sports Programming Network proudly presents: \\ __________________ ___________________ Exclusive Coverage //// _________________ /'\ ______________________________ of the (____) ________________ / . \ __________ 1992 Usenet Olympic Games \ / The Marathon, / \ || part two / ' \ || / . \ ._______. / \ | OZ ^| / ' \ |26 mi.^| / . \ '---+---' / \ | / ' \ | / . \ | / \ | / ' \ | / . \ / / ' Brought to you by Major League Baseball, / . the official sport of the / 1992 Usenet Olympic Games / ' . \ [Chuq and Peter are walking away from Lawrence Stadium on a road made entirely of asbestos bricks.] Peter: >Isn't there SOMETHING you can tell me about this place, other >than the obvious "Wizard of Oz" parallels? Chuq: >You must find the answers for yourself. There is no other way. Peter: >Who or what is at the end of the road? Emerald City? The Wizard? Chuq: >It will all be clear to you when we reach the end of our quest. Peter: >Look, all I want to do is change the Guidelines. Why is -- [There is a terrifying high-pitched wail, trailing off into frequencies beyond human hearing, and filled with terrible purpose. A Rulewraith on a winged steed descends from the sky, blocking the path before Peter and Chuq. The Rulewraith looks suspiciously like Jose Martinez:] Rulewraith: >THE GUIDELINES ARE INFLEXIBLE! THEY MUST BE FOLLOWED TO THE >EXACT LETTER WITHOUT ACCOMODATION! THEY MUST NOT BE BENT OR >ALTERED OR MODIFIED! YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE THEM! [Horrified by the evil in the words of the Rulewraith, Peter stands frozen in sheer terror. Chuq calmly pulls a bucket of water out of his cloak and throws it at the Rulewraith.] Rulewraith: >AIYEE! I'M MELTING! [The Rulewraith dissolves, leaving an inky puddle. Peter stares at the puddle, then stares at Chuq.] Chuq: >Please do not say those words again. Peter: >What the -- ! This is INSANE! What does ANY of this have to >do with the... with... YOU know, the... Chuq: >If you must refer to them, call them "the rules". It is safer, >but by no means free from danger. Peter: >In danger from WHAT? What is it that makes it so difficult to >change the G-- um, the rules? [Chuq says nothing at first, but stares down the road in silence. A strange, sad expression crosses his face.] Chuq: >In olden days, the great powers of Usenet forged a set of Rules, >designed to preserve the trust and cooperation which was then >considered to be the very essence of Usenet. But when the cabal >fell apart, destroyed by the very malice which threatens us now, >a new Rule was forged. The One Rule, the Ruling Rule; evil and >powerful, it has perverted or destroyed all that came before it. Peter: >I thought this was a _Wizard of Oz_ parody. Chuq: [irritated] >To change the rules, you must unmake the One Rule that prevents >you from making changes to the others. And to do that, you must >travel to the end of this road. Peter: >But what IS the One Rule? Chuq: >"The loudest voice wins." Come; we have spent too much time here. >We must hasten. Follow the path. [Chuq turns, and begins walking down the Asbestos Road. The Bridge of Peril (from _Monty Python's Holy Grail_) is visible on the horizon...] Peter: [muttering] >"Follow the path," he says. We're off to see the wizard... [...]