Dear [Spamhead]:

  We'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to MindVox and point out a
  few details that are applicable to the use of your account.

)[> First and foremost, you should NEVER let anyone else know that you have a
    complimentary account on the system.  This tends to make those who are 
    paying for you to be here, feel bad, and results in an endless cycle of
    bickering and long tirades by mail about "hey, how come he gets one and
    I don't."  WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT, SO BE QUIET AND DON'T RUIN A GOOD
    THING.
    
)[> In general: DO NOT ACT LIKE AN ASSHOLE.  This is the part where you use
    common sense.  Do not add work for us by being annoying to management,
    or paying members.  Under NO circumstances are ElYtE DuDeZ to start 
    El!tE wArZ with people who have no comprehension of the underground.
    They don't know any better, if they are pissing you off, then reply
    with witty verbal repartee.  DO NOT turn off their phones or make any
    person's life turn into living hell!  This makes things REALLY annoying
    for us and will result in a total loss of good will in your direction.
    
    While someone may indeed be an asshole, and have all their karma 
    catching up to them RIGHT NOW.  DO NOT hassle people who are members
    here, because then WE get to hear all about it and have to hold their
    hand and comfort them.  And we have a lot of other things we'd rather
    be doing.
    
  Conversely if you help make things  flow  smoothly,  post  cool  stuff,  and
  generally  act in accordance with system harmony -- then everything is cool,
  life is good, and you are made to feel at home here.  Which is as it  should
  be.

)[> Finally, this is the part where I explain where *I* stand on the following
    point.  I do not necessarily represent everybody in The Phantom Access
    Group when I say the following, but I DO represent system policy on this
    issue:


       Although I may be your friend -- perhaps even your good friend who  has
  known  you  since what seems like forever -- do *NOT* expect me to hate your
  enemies.  At this time  I  don't  have  problems  with  ANYBODY  who  was/is
  involved  with  the  hacker  underground.  I intend to keep it that way.  My
  basic outlook on where we stand, is one of unity,  NOT  endless  wars  about
  stupid  bullshit  over who said this about that because of . . . There are a
  lot of things to focus on -- selecting one that makes  you  contemplate  how
  much you hate The Masked Turnip of 305, is not the most productive choice.

  Having said that, I direct your attention to "Cyberspace: The Phantom  Zone"
  forum.   This  is basically "our" room in the VIP section of the club, where
  anyone is free to debate whatever they desire amidst a gathering of "peers."
  If  you absolutely MUST air your problems with someone, then so be it.  That
  is the place to do it.  Nothing is censored, nothing is removed, do as  thou
  wilt,  but  KEEP IT ON *THAT* forum.  Don't drag it into every other section
  that exists, and DO NOT post  addresses,  phone  numbers  or  credit  cards,
  unless  they're  yours and you have this strange urge to share them with the
  world.


      There really aren't any rules,  just try to be decent to each other.

  This entire missive  has  been  written  in  anticipation  of  the  combined
  elYtNeSZ  of MindVox pushing the limits of peaceful coexistence by gathering
  together every elite dude on earth and allowing them to  congregate  in  one
  place  --  with the almost assured result of:  "He called me a lame loser in
  1984 and stole my drugZ at last year's SummerCon.  I  thought  disconnecting
  his  dog,  infecting  his  toaster  with  a polymorphic virus and making the
  computer spontaneously decombust, was a  reasonable  response  to  that.   I
  don't see your problem?"


  As a  wise black  man once  said to me  on a street corner:  Peace out  bro'

  Patrick/Lord Digital

  On behalf of System